*Multiple voices talking simultaneously; Chairs scraping*
Mallam: I beg your pardon gentlemen, but could you all be quiet, the recording will begin any moment now, signalling the commencement of the meeting.
Nocturnal: Um…Actuali it’s alredi started. If u wer lookin at d camera like u shld hav, u wlda noticed d red indicator light’s been on for bout 10secs.
Mallam: My apologies.
*Composes himself and looks directly into the camera*
Good day everyone. I must say it’s such a pleasure to be able to come before you today. This is a rare opportunity. You see The Boss (the individual you know as Gidi Mallam or @MallamSawyerr) has given us, the various characters in his head (or at least the members of the board of musings), an opportunity to converse with you. Although I dare say, it wouldn’t really be a conversation now would it, seeing as you’re there and we’re over here inside his head. *shrug* Oh well.
Firstly, I’ve been asked to thank you all for your patronage these past three months, you see this blog turned 3 months old on Saturday (*sigh* we are getting older aren’t we). This blog was simply supposed to be an avenue for us to gain expression, and well, you all have made it worthwhile. We would like to thank you sincerely and hope that things will continue to get better and better, even with the new chairman.
Next, we’ve (actually I was the one asked to do this, being the most civil of this lot *turns around to look at the others with contempt*) been asked to apologise for the extended period without a post; The Boss says it’s actually been due to a combination of writer’s block (yes even non-writers have it :P), over-enjoyment of his 6 week summer holiday (yes you can turn green, it’s allowed), and as usual, his Procrastinators Unite membership commitments (all of you yimu-ing…ganpa!!!). But he assures you that all these excuses will no longer be an obstacle once the new chairman of the board takes office. There are a lot of…
La’Scorpion: Ogbeni no dey talk too much story o jare. Who send you make you dey tell them sorry. Shey dem dey pay oga money make him dey post lori blog ni. Do the work wey Oga send you ko de koshilo. Neinsense. Sorry ko.*Hiss*
Nocturnal: Scorpion calm down now. D intro is required. And d apology is important. After all, if not for diz ppl D’Boss wld prolly not let u out. Me I don’t kuku hav problem. I com out well well, n now dat I’m assuming office as chairman I will over-express myself gan. Hehehehe
La’Scorpion: Ogbeni yiwosoun jo. Se mo ba e wi ni? That is how you will be chooking your mouth for inside matter they did not call you. Eyin alayi leko. You don forget sey I senior you for inside dis place. Abi u don’t know that me and Baba Major have d same name ni? So ra e o. *Hiss* Rada rada.
Suya: Yes o! All of you that just came, you now want to start claiming what I don’t know. Me and La’Scorpion…
Mallam: That would be “La’Scorpion and I” *rolls eyes*
Suya: I did not ask you o. Mr. Teacher. Over sabi. *hiss* Anyway sha, Me and La’Scorpion have been here with Oga tey tey. In fact, when you people came were we not the ones that even did orientation for you? Oga now put dis I-too-know in charge. Now you’re doing igberaga…ok o.
The Shadow: *clears throat* I will have you all remember that although Mallam is the board chairman, I’m the secretary, and I have been given moderator status as far as this meeting is concerned. I will not hesitate to visit the necessary repercussions on anyone who steps out of line. Femola Scorpion, this is the only warning you will receive. Should you speak out of turn again, you will be reprimanded. That goes for you too Suya. Mallam you may continue.
Mallam: Thank you, Shadow; Lord knows since I became chairman I have not had a day’s respite from these brazen and uncouth individuals.
The Shadow: You will do well not to insult them. Get on with your speech.
Mallam: Okay okay, no need to get your boxers in a twist *rolls eyes*. So, where was I before I was rudely interrupted? Ah yes, I was about to tell you what The Boss has in store for you all. Um…well…you see…the “From Beyond” trilogy may not be completed, unless the new chairman over here *gives Nocturnal side-eye* decides to get his act together. There is some new stuff coming though, hopefully you’ll enjoy it. Personally, I am glad that Sanusi and I will finally be able to get on with our Zobo story, seeing as the brand has become a lot more popular than we could have imagined. Far more popular than that vile PG Sips La’ Scorpion, Suya and that scoundrel Tuoyo concocted while The Boss was still in university. Merely thinking of it…*shudders*.
*the door suddenly opens and two individuals saunter into the room*
Femi: Sorry we’re late guys. Sawyerr had some lady “issues” *winks at him*, and I had to finish downloading the new Naruto Movie; Kizuna. Mehn if you see the trailer ehn…
Mallam: *rolls eyes and then turns to The Shadow* aren’t you going to say something
The Shadow: Femi and Sawyerr, let me remind you that we are working according to a strict schedule and we will not allow your lackadaisical attitude throw us off. Now sit and be quiet.
Mallam: Frankly, I’m too irritated to continue. I hereby handover chairmanship of the board to Nocturnal. Do you have anything to say?
Nocturnal: Oh goody. Hehehehe. Now peeps, like Mallam said, we’r truly grateful to all of u, cos witout u D’Boss wldn’t let those guys out as much (he lets me out evriday…hehehehehe). Howeva, altho D Boss may not want to say it, as d new chairman der r a few things I wld like to let u kno. Henceforth, things are gonna be slightly different. Frankly, we’r tired of havin to conform to wat people think dis blog shld be about, after all d blog is named after us. N even tho Mallam’s name is wat appears on d masthead, d “musings” in d name refers to all of us. So wat I’m saying sha is dat, opinions will be expressed dat som ppl may not agree with. If dat time comes n u take it p…well…if Mallam n Sanusi agree to giv u Zobo Endorphins to “shill” out, fine. If not, der’s one button on ur screen dat has an “X” on it. Do u see it? Ehen, u can click on it, n u will have solved dat problem. Gerrit?
Ehen, also, we can’t always be serious oh. Halo-Head (who is unavoidably absent from this meeting) is d one dat started dis nonsense. Neither are we a movie review blog, go to rotten tomatoes or imdb if you want a movie review. Or better still ask google. Ehen.
Dat will be all for now. Does anybody else have anything to say? La’Scorpion? Suya? Femi? Sawyerr? The Shadow?
La’Scorpion: Oje sora e. You know sey I don warn you before. Ok o. Una don talk all the talk finish, na that time you haff know sey you will call me. Neinsense. *turns to the camera* Una don hear wetin all of them talk. Ti e ba lo gbemu, *brings out his katana and wakizashi* mo ma ge imu yen. Ehen.
Suya: Erm. Well, they have said everything. Issokay.
Femi: Yeah, whatever they said.
Sawyerr: *brushes hair and adjusts his suit lapel* Oh! I really don’t have anything to say at the moment. *winks at the camera*
The Shadow: *turns over to the new chairman* If that would be all Nocturnal, I would like to declare this meeting closed.
Nocturnal: Dat’s all soldier. Go ahead.
The Shadow: Thank you. That will be all ladies and gentleman. You may depart.
Hian! Ds is long ohh
Goan read joor…shebi I warned y’all it was a bit long…
lol. nice!
Arigato gozaimasu…n here’s your house complimentary bottle of shilled Zobo Imperial for commenting for the 1st time 😀
Does this mean ur handle changes to nocturnal sawyerr? I likedis scorpion guy (well imaginary character). btw, wut in God’s name are katana and wakizashi?
Nah…remains as it is mehn…all that handle change na wahala jo…but then again *shrug* you never know…
about those two…Google am na…hehehehe
oh n here’s your complimentary bottle of shilled Zobo Imperial as per first timer… 😉
Lovely femi.I luv la’scorpion d dude is funny. Btw who gave sawyerr hair..
Tainz dear…appaz a lotta peeps love him…don’t let him hear sha…if not…problem go dey.
As for Sawyerr’s hair…was I always bald…na wa for you o…*rolls eyes*
Loool. Love d creativity behind d convos. Its long sha oh.
thank you my good man…believe me I tried to shorten it…but La’Scorpion wasn’t having any of that…*sigh*
And you actually said “Osemhen, ti ya were!” What is this?! At least the people in my head don’t hold board meetings! They pass each other in the street, say hi, exchange the odd handshake. But. They. Don’t. Hold. Meetings.
Ye have gone bonkers, mate. #nowphoningYabaLeft
LMAO…stop deceiving yasef my dear…ara e o ya…case closed…hehehehe
“*rolls eyes and then turns to The Shadow* aren’t you going to say something” for a moment I thought I had lost my mind! lol… you’re something tho… i mean… somebody 😀
Well thank you m’dear…n here’s your complimentary bottle of shilled Zobo Imperial for your first comment 😀 *rushes off to her blog to read her new post*
This better remain in ur head! *yawn*… Plus not all ur readers understand yoruba!
Yes ma…altho about the translation La’Scorpion wouldn’t accept translating his lines. He said they would lose their “potency”.
Oh n thanks for stopping by…*gives her the house complimentary bottle of ZI*
So sandioe gets d bottle eh?
Which one of u is setting the P here? Here’s some words of sage: “don’t let her get into ur head, she’ll scre it up!”
As for this post, Ogbeni..its little wonder u’re on the team, a true trait of a #sawaleh.. Creativity toh on point.
Wole k’onle..kparo lo jor! Tuale baba
um…na her first time na…all first timers are entitled to it.
Tainz for the compliment shiaman mi…ori yin wanbe jo…aaah…eti _enu #PeluL ju…hehehehe
Before u even offer, I’ll have u know I don’t drink “zobo” or wateva dat local red drink is called *rme*. That said, great work guys…yea and Sawyerr too!
hmmmn…*they push the Mallam forward to answer*
I will have you know my dear that what you call a “local” red drink, is a top of the line, ISO certified and NAFDAC approved supreme quality refreshment. In fact the FDA approval just arrived yesterday afternoon, so please do not turn down your snotty nose at the Zobo brand if you may. I will not have anybody scoff at my hard work…hmph. *he returns to the back*
Meanwhile…thanks for stopping by m’dear. And they’re all saying thank you…really 😉
LMAO @ ganpa…hehehehe never knew u were this funny. Lovely post. Me love tres much. N yea enough of d movie reviews, we need more posts like this
Yes ma…we will try our best. *passes her complimentary bottle of ZI* tainz for stopping by…
Twisted is the word! How can someone have so many alter egos and still be normal? Oh but ofcourse u’re not normal.
Oh well…thank God you know I’m not normal. Normal’s overrated. *gives him his complimentary bottle of shilled Zobo Imperial*
LOL. How many people are in your head? Too much work. Lol.
um…well…you see…*shrug* what can I say…I’m blessed :D…thanks for stopping by tho…*gives her her entitlement*
Ya mates are having one alter ego, some have half. You are having what? Seven?? And some of them are coming late for meeting?
Please press F1! You need help.
Shet! I have suffered. Terdoh is telling me I need help. Am I not finished…ℓ☺ℓ. Coming from u tho, I’ll take that as a compliment. Thanks for stopping by.
*Now playing track 11 off the M.I. abaga album- M.I.2*
LMAO…”when the gbomgbolo become the gbangbala..”.hehehehe.
All I’d like to know is, which one of them exactly is friends with me? *looks down nose* And I want nothing to do with the scorpion.
For u m’dear…The Boss is ur friend…*wink* Oh n u shouldn’t snob La’Scorpion o…get’s him mad, n when he’s mad…hmmn. ℓ☺ℓ
Too much in your head and Scorpion has got the best of that head…enjoy your day.
Aww…thank u m’dear. La’Scorpion says “ori e wanbe”…hehehehe
Loving this. First of a kind (to me sha). I gbadun l’scorpion! Lol… Sawyerr U̶̲̥̅̊ gat a twisted box up in there. Lol
Um…I’ll take that as a compliment sha. Tainz. *passes the house complimentary bottle of ZI for 1st timers*
femi sawyerrr…mallam….i know evn know whish one to call u….you’r are one helluva mallam…shey o ti bere si mawa schizophrenic sha??…good one buddy!!…
LMAO…afi schizophrenic naa…I am well o…ehen. Thanks for stopping by sha. *passes him his 1st timer entitlement*
So we haven’t met all the others and we’re now to expect them?
I’m loving this growing revolution in the ‘ville.
Who’s next?
Wéll I guess. It’ll be up to you to know which one of them is inspiring the post tho…hehehe.
Awesome post. Were was halo-head sef? *now grabs my bottle of zobo.
Um…he was against me posting this…he said it would make ppl think I was crazy.
I see u’v taken ur entitlement already…nice
Haha!!!! So in other words we should start expecting posts regularly right? Plus if all this goes on inside ur head, then I don’t wana know !
Glad to have u bk!
Well…I gotta say it does feel good to be back. Hopefully y’all will get more posts regularly.
Thanks 2glo m jst readin dis nw :(….bt wait oh did u tk ‘agbero lesson’ 4dt la scorpionz part lol nice post loving all d characters
Well…I didn’t need to take lessons cos I went to school in an army barracks…hehehe…
Femi, you weren’t this ‘mad’ in unilag na. What happened to you? Well, whatever it is, I approve. *now bookmarking this blog*
I wasn’t and I’m still not mad…but u must admit it’s not possible to go thru d Physics dept n stay normal…thanks for stopping by…*passes him d house complimentary bottle of shilled Zobo Imperial*
Lol!
Was feeling a little depressed this morning and I kind of stumbled unto this blog by accident…..I love La’Scorpion and the Shadow. They should meet a few of my own alter egos….lol!
Lovely post! The ultimate pick-me-up!
Wow…this comment right here just made my morning. No jokes. 😀
Thanks for stopping by. Here’s your house complimentary bottle of shilled Zobo Imperial.
Oh n yeah…how do our alter egos get to um interact 😉
That ur head is full of winches oh! U have to resume at YabaLeft. Its deep! Yet funny. Long! Yet captivating. 😉
Ah…there is no winch inside my head o…n Yaba Left is for patients with mental illnesses…I’m perfectly fine.
Thanks for stopping by n for d compliment. *gives her her entitlement*
Ha! You people are just having Boradmeeting? Me and my alters have been having Annual General meetings for years now. But we do it behind closed doors. Only majority shareholders are allowed. That being said, I thought I was crazy but…Oga, you are wicked because this has taken the cake and eaten it all. You didnt even share…
Later u ppl will say I’m crazy…dis one has been having AGM for years o…hmmn…issokay.
Seriously tho, thanks for the compliment. N since this is ur 1st time commenting, here’s ur shilled Zobo Imperial…
Yay!
Oh, well…how indeed? I’ll get back to you on that.
*sipping Zobo Imperial*
You should patent this as a sleeping pill. Fucking boring and senseless
*La’Scorpion tries to come forward but is pushed back by Nocturnal*
But dis shows dat I hav now gained full acceptance in Blogsville o…dat d Mantis will diss my post. I’m truly honoured.
Quick question tho, why were u sleeping wit bored n senseless? #JustAsking
Lol!! @ the insect’s recognition. I’m beginning to trust d efficacy & effectiveness of his antennae in always ‘feeling out’ a good post.
Mallam, u’v done well. I enjoyed the read, albeit as long as it was. Quick question tho, the members of d ‘board’ dat meet in ur mind, who r d stakeholders whose interests they represent??
Mor Zobo 2 ur dining table sha!
First off…thanks for stopping by…*gives him his entitlement*
As to the answer to ur question…there’s only one stakeholder they represent…The Boss…n that would be me 😀 hehehehe
I didn’t read it but I’m certain its a nice one.
Oya parkwell n read it ojare…hian
Wait who are those that brewed the pg sips illegally?
Why was d original board not informed before the mention of the well protected brand?
How can u a member if the board defame the ultimate pg sips, that’s blasphemy!!!
PEEGEE!!!!
First off don’t forget, this is in my head…so no one brewed it illegally. Those mentioned were the personas in my head responsible for the ideas I brought up at that time.
Secondly, informing the original board wasn’t really necessary, cos of the answer above…this is all in my head.
And finally, I didn’t defame it, one of the personalities in my head did.
I hope that clears up that mess.
And because you’re a member of the PG board, I will give you not one complimentary bottle, but a whole carton of shilled Zobo Imperial, for you and The Diva *wink*…thanks for stopping by PeeGee.
Creativity toh badt. Very nice.
Mallam o! This is creativity on another level… But are you sure you’ve not crossed the border-line into crazy? Good one…
Nah…I aint crazy…thanks for the compliment tho, n here’s ur entitlement as a first timer…
….imagine dat. 7pips in one head (u must hv a big head oh, lol), n dey say im weird hvin jst 3, luv d compliemntri drink, bt can i hav d coke flavord one :-)rd hvin jst 3, luv d compliemntri drink, bt can i hav d coke flavord one 🙂
Um…sorry der’s no cola flavoured Zobo…ℓ☺ℓ
Thanks for d compliment tho…
hmmn sawyerr better start writing plays…lol
Hmmmn…that one na work o…but let’s see how it goes.