*Multiple voices talking simultaneously; Chairs scraping*
Mallam: I beg your pardon gentlemen, but could you all be quiet, the recording will begin any moment now, signalling the commencement of the meeting.
Nocturnal: Um…Actuali it’s alredi started. If u wer lookin at d camera like u shld hav, u wlda noticed d red indicator light’s been on for bout 10secs.
Mallam: My apologies.
*Composes himself and looks directly into the camera*
Good day everyone. I must say it’s such a pleasure to be able to come before you today. This is a rare opportunity. You see The Boss (the individual you know as Gidi Mallam or @MallamSawyerr) has given us, the various characters in his head (or at least the members of the board of musings), an opportunity to converse with you. Although I dare say, it wouldn’t really be a conversation now would it, seeing as you’re there and we’re over here inside his head. *shrug* Oh well.
Firstly, I’ve been asked to thank you all for your patronage these past three months, you see this blog turned 3 months old on Saturday (*sigh* we are getting older aren’t we). This blog was simply supposed to be an avenue for us to gain expression, and well, you all have made it worthwhile. We would like to thank you sincerely and hope that things will continue to get better and better, even with the new chairman.
Next, we’ve (actually I was the one asked to do this, being the most civil of this lot *turns around to look at the others with contempt*) been asked to apologise for the extended period without a post; The Boss says it’s actually been due to a combination of writer’s block (yes even non-writers have it :P), over-enjoyment of his 6 week summer holiday (yes you can turn green, it’s allowed), and as usual, his Procrastinators Unite membership commitments (all of you yimu-ing…ganpa!!!). But he assures you that all these excuses will no longer be an obstacle once the new chairman of the board takes office. There are a lot of…
La’Scorpion: Ogbeni no dey talk too much story o jare. Who send you make you dey tell them sorry. Shey dem dey pay oga money make him dey post lori blog ni. Do the work wey Oga send you ko de koshilo. Neinsense. Sorry ko.*Hiss*
Nocturnal: Scorpion calm down now. D intro is required. And d apology is important. After all, if not for diz ppl D’Boss wld prolly not let u out. Me I don’t kuku hav problem. I com out well well, n now dat I’m assuming office as chairman I will over-express myself gan. Hehehehe
La’Scorpion: Ogbeni yiwosoun jo. Se mo ba e wi ni? That is how you will be chooking your mouth for inside matter they did not call you. Eyin alayi leko. You don forget sey I senior you for inside dis place. Abi u don’t know that me and Baba Major have d same name ni? So ra e o. *Hiss* Rada rada.
Suya: Yes o! All of you that just came, you now want to start claiming what I don’t know. Me and La’Scorpion…
Mallam: That would be “La’Scorpion and I” *rolls eyes*
Suya: I did not ask you o. Mr. Teacher. Over sabi. *hiss* Anyway sha, Me and La’Scorpion have been here with Oga tey tey. In fact, when you people came were we not the ones that even did orientation for you? Oga now put dis I-too-know in charge. Now you’re doing igberaga…ok o.
The Shadow: *clears throat* I will have you all remember that although Mallam is the board chairman, I’m the secretary, and I have been given moderator status as far as this meeting is concerned. I will not hesitate to visit the necessary repercussions on anyone who steps out of line. Femola Scorpion, this is the only warning you will receive. Should you speak out of turn again, you will be reprimanded. That goes for you too Suya. Mallam you may continue.
Mallam: Thank you, Shadow; Lord knows since I became chairman I have not had a day’s respite from these brazen and uncouth individuals.
The Shadow: You will do well not to insult them. Get on with your speech.
Mallam: Okay okay, no need to get your boxers in a twist *rolls eyes*. So, where was I before I was rudely interrupted? Ah yes, I was about to tell you what The Boss has in store for you all. Um…well…you see…the “From Beyond” trilogy may not be completed, unless the new chairman over here *gives Nocturnal side-eye* decides to get his act together. There is some new stuff coming though, hopefully you’ll enjoy it. Personally, I am glad that Sanusi and I will finally be able to get on with our Zobo story, seeing as the brand has become a lot more popular than we could have imagined. Far more popular than that vile PG Sips La’ Scorpion, Suya and that scoundrel Tuoyo concocted while The Boss was still in university. Merely thinking of it…*shudders*.
*the door suddenly opens and two individuals saunter into the room*
Femi: Sorry we’re late guys. Sawyerr had some lady “issues” *winks at him*, and I had to finish downloading the new Naruto Movie; Kizuna. Mehn if you see the trailer ehn…
Mallam: *rolls eyes and then turns to The Shadow* aren’t you going to say something
The Shadow: Femi and Sawyerr, let me remind you that we are working according to a strict schedule and we will not allow your lackadaisical attitude throw us off. Now sit and be quiet.
Mallam: Frankly, I’m too irritated to continue. I hereby handover chairmanship of the board to Nocturnal. Do you have anything to say?
Nocturnal: Oh goody. Hehehehe. Now peeps, like Mallam said, we’r truly grateful to all of u, cos witout u D’Boss wldn’t let those guys out as much (he lets me out evriday…hehehehehe). Howeva, altho D Boss may not want to say it, as d new chairman der r a few things I wld like to let u kno. Henceforth, things are gonna be slightly different. Frankly, we’r tired of havin to conform to wat people think dis blog shld be about, after all d blog is named after us. N even tho Mallam’s name is wat appears on d masthead, d “musings” in d name refers to all of us. So wat I’m saying sha is dat, opinions will be expressed dat som ppl may not agree with. If dat time comes n u take it p…well…if Mallam n Sanusi agree to giv u Zobo Endorphins to “shill” out, fine. If not, der’s one button on ur screen dat has an “X” on it. Do u see it? Ehen, u can click on it, n u will have solved dat problem. Gerrit?
Ehen, also, we can’t always be serious oh. Halo-Head (who is unavoidably absent from this meeting) is d one dat started dis nonsense. Neither are we a movie review blog, go to rotten tomatoes or imdb if you want a movie review. Or better still ask google. Ehen.
Dat will be all for now. Does anybody else have anything to say? La’Scorpion? Suya? Femi? Sawyerr? The Shadow?
La’Scorpion: Oje sora e. You know sey I don warn you before. Ok o. Una don talk all the talk finish, na that time you haff know sey you will call me. Neinsense. *turns to the camera* Una don hear wetin all of them talk. Ti e ba lo gbemu, *brings out his katana and wakizashi* mo ma ge imu yen. Ehen.
Suya: Erm. Well, they have said everything. Issokay.
Femi: Yeah, whatever they said.
Sawyerr: *brushes hair and adjusts his suit lapel* Oh! I really don’t have anything to say at the moment. *winks at the camera*
The Shadow: *turns over to the new chairman* If that would be all Nocturnal, I would like to declare this meeting closed.
Nocturnal: Dat’s all soldier. Go ahead.
The Shadow: Thank you. That will be all ladies and gentleman. You may depart.