Hey folks, how’s it going? So well I’ve had this idea for a long time, of what I would like to happen after I die and all, as in leaving something behind; kind of like my own version of the letter to unborn children and future wife and all that. Didn’t think I was going to make a post about it anytime soon, but my mum’s stepdad died yesterday and that kind of made the guys in my head do some rearrangement.

Now, I was thinking that rather than leaving the usual letter and will with the lawyer as almost everybody else does, why not make it more personal (and definitely a lot crazier), by recording a video; kind of like in the movie “The Ultimate Gift”. But not just one video; nah, three; one to be released immediately I’m confirmed dead, one for the funeral service and finally one for the will. So anyways, here’s the first installment.

The camera is prepped and ready sir. We’ll start recording as soon as you’re ready.

Thank you Jasper. (*Adjusts his blazer, sips from his flute of Zobo Imperial Ultimate and then clears his throat*) We can start the recording now.

Hey guys. So I guess the fact that you’re watching this means I’m gone right. (*sideways glance at Jasper*) At least I better be dead, because if these videos get into anybody’s hands before I die, I WILL make sure the will of a certain lawyer is be read before I make another video. *takes deep breaths and then sighs*)

Ok that wasn’t how this was supposed to start. (*sips some more Zobo*)

This isn’t gonna be long my dears, I know y’all are still trying to let it sink in that I’m really gone. Don’t worry, it will eventually. And please don’t go on playing this video just so you can keep hearing my voice or seeing my face, that’ll only make it more difficult. This is the first of three videos. Jasper will play the second one at the funeral service. The final one is for the will; I don’t want anybody saying “I don’t believe he could have written something like that.” So I’ll be saying it. Yes, my very own voice will pass across whatever information is needed concerning my estate. I must say this though, y’all better prepare your minds and bodies for that day because… hehehehehe. Let’s just say I’ve given instructions that there should be a lot of Zobo Adrenalin served to help lighten the shock some people will receive. Anyways, let’s leave that matter for later.

So, I’m dead yeah? How’s that going? Y’all miss me right? Awwww. But honestly, I would be lying if I said I was missing you guys right now. Because you see, technically I’m still alive. Hehehehe, gotchya. That made you laugh didn’t it. Hehehehehe. Oh, by the way honey bunny, I am actually happy I died first. You see I get to tell you this…I WON!!!!!! Bwuahahahaha, now you’ll have to record another video. Is that shock I see on your face? Hehehe, of course I knew about your video. You liked my idea too much not to use it yourself. Don’t worry yours will be cool too. Although not as cool as mine, you know you could never match my swag. (*wink*) Seriously though, at least you’re not alone, you have the kids to take care of you. They always loved you more anyways, even my princesses. Yeah I always knew guys, and I don’t have any hard feelings, I wouldn’t have had it any other way…besides I’m dead remember…hehehehe.

Now, a couple of very important things I should say before I wrap this video up. Please remove my body from the morgue as soon as this meeting is over. They should have finished the autopsy by now. For crying out loud I died in my sleep. I wasn’t sick and nobody killed me. I’ve already left instructions for which institutions should have my organs. My other remains are to be cremated and the ashes scattered over Mount Fuji. Yes even in death I’m still an honorary Japanese man; if anybody doesn’t like it they can jump off the mountain before my ashes are poured (I don’t want anybody using their smelly body to scatter my ashes).  As per the funeral, I want only one service (ONE!!!!) and a party to follow. And it should be on a Saturday. None of that 3days or 1 week nonsense; nobody will use my funeral as excuse not to go to work. Besides, after what I’m going to say in that video, I doubt anybody will be willing to go for more than one party to “celebrate” my life…hehehehehe. Also, if I catch anybody selling aso ebi for the party, or sharing any of those other nonsense things; handkerchief, tray, bowls, mugs etc…I mean how can you drink from a mug that has “Farewell Daddy” on it? And you’ll be praying against untimely death. Shior. I repeat if I catch anybody…let me leave it at that.

I will end by saying this though. I may not have been the perfect husband, the perfect father or even the perfect client (sideways glance at Jasper), but I know I did my best. I have no regrets. I may be sorry about a lot of things, but all in all, I’m content and grateful to God for the life I lived, and all I achieved. I know you all love me (yes, you too Jasper…stop forming Jack Bauer), but you know God loves me more. I pray we’ll all meet again in His courts. Stay strong, my beloved, I love you all. (*raises his flute in salute and downs what is left in it*)

Thanks for reading. Please feel free to rape the comment box below. Later y’all.